Last week I was having a hard time getting the topic of my blog post to make sense and I realize now it’s because it’s a two part thought. Last week I posted about letting your heart be a memorial and cherishing the memories from that time instead of mourning absence of people who’ve left our lives.
Mourning people who’ve passed away is something that I wouldn’t know where to begin healing with but mourning the loss of someone who’s still alive, while not quite as traumatic, is hard enough. Loss of any kind is hard, humans by nature hate loosing and loosing people has got to top the list. How do you go from sharing, co habituating and intertwining your life with someone and then deal with them being ripped away and having to tie up the frayed ends from their departure. I’m no stranger to loosing people who were pillars in my life, in fact I don’t know any 20 something year old who hasn’t lost someone or something that was once at the epicenter of their being.
I’ve consoled friends through loss and I’ve been consoled by those same friends when my own world came crumbling down when a pillar was suddenly ripped away, and I’ve learned something through it. Sometimes it’s easier to see the map on someone else’s page rather than your own, meaning looking at something objectively or from the outside gives you insight for the times you’re on the inside. How many times have we sat petting the hair of a friend who’s had their heart broken or can’t understand why life would suddenly rip away something that they loved so much? How many times has it been us who looks at our own puffy, teary-eyed face of our reflection and wondered the same? Everyone grieves differently, processes differently and heals differently but one thing I believe is for certain, sometimes people just can’t stay, the universe says no.
Now don’t think I’m referring to some magical power from the clouds, I’m saying sometimes life just has other plans for us and the loss we’re suffering now makes a void for some other, larger and more meaningful event in our lives even if it’s years away. I look at it in metaphorical terms like this, on our journey of life as we travel and navigate our time on this planet some people are merely vessels, they help connect us to something significant we didn’t know we were missing. I say vessels not in the sense of using people because we never know when we’ll loose someone we love, I mean it in the sense that people enter our lives when we need them, when we’re ready to experience and be propelled into another phase of who we are, and are becoming. People carry and connect us to parts of ourselves we didn’t yet know, they push us to take leaps and bounds we wouldn’t have done alone. Sometimes though we reach a fork in the road and we realize that the journey with this person has to end, your paths now become very different and holding onto one another to stay on the same path means nobody progresses.
This is the painful part, the part that takes months, heck years, to see sometimes the part that we can’t wrap our heads around. We can however take solace in the fact that these people, the ones we loved and found comfort and love in added to the mosaic of who we are they added a splash of color that wasn’t there before. Think of your time with people who’ve gone from your life as a stay at a cozy bed and breakfast, the fondness and sensation of home will always remain with you when you look back, and look back with appreciation of that person and that time as it pays homage to the person you are today.